One Week? Twenty-One Days? One YEAR?

Could I at least get an "E" for effort?  Holy moly!  This "Complaint Free Challenge" is not for everyone!  Did any of you happen to join me in this challenge of all challenges?  If so, I would love to hear how you are doing.  Hopefully better than me!  And if you're wondering, "what the heck is she talking about," catch up on my last week's post.  It will surely give you something to think about!


So this is how my attempt at a complaint free week went. Prior to starting the "Complaint Free Challenge", I decided to do my homework.  I googled "Complaint Free Challenge" and that's where I learned the whole enchilada.  Wow!  It turns out that in order  to be a true "challenge" participant, you actually need to wear an official purple rubber "challenge" bracelet.  Of course you could order one online for only $7.95.  Step one- place your official challenge bracelet on your left wrist.


Wait a minute!  My momma didn't raise no dummy (except for my brothers)!  So I saved the $7.95, grabbed a rubber band from my silverware drawer, placed it on my wrist, and boom- I was in!  Let's get this challenge started!


Whoa!  Slow down girl!  That's only step one! 


Step two -  after you have adorned your challenge bracelet, be prepared to "make one with it".  (Well, it didn't actually say that, but I'm just being honest.) "Make one with it", because it continues to say that you must be complaint free for the next 21 days.  Not just 21 days, but 21 continuous days.  Should you slip up on any given day, you move the bracelet back to your other wrist and you are now back at day one.   


Say what?  Twenty-one continuous days?  Really?  So you're telling me the slightest little grumble could send me back to day one?  Yep!  As I said, this challenge is not for everyone- especially those who imply little thought before speaking! (Guilty!)  You could actually be participating in this challenge for 245 days but still be on day one!  OMG folks!  Remember when I said this one week challenge could take me 21 days?  Let's be honest.  With this set of rules, I think I'm looking at more like a year and 22 days!  Oh boy!  I'm in trouble!


So, if you're wondering how my complaint free week went, here's a short synopsis: 

• Day one:  Being extremely aware of the challenge, I selected my words with caution.  But wouldn't you know it, within minutes, my day started with a challenge.  That morning a certain loved one asked me to go get his boots from the basement.  My mind rambled %$#%%^*!  Yet my lips stayed sealed. Upon my return from the basement, my loved one graciously said, "Oh!  You didn't need to make a special trip!"  Challenge in mind, I replied, "Special trip for a special person!"  OMG!  Did I just say that?  I couldn't believe the words that just spewed from my mouth!  Actually the thought of speaking like this for the next 20+ years, caused me to become a bit ill to my stomach.   (I think I actually puked a little in my mouth!)  By the way, I don't think puking qualifies as complaining.  So that being said, the day was successful - unusually quiet, but successful.

•  Day two:  A dear friend called me to vent a bit.  I will confess, the temptation was there to join in the verbal escape.  However, I held my tongue and merely said, "Fascinating!"  Hmmm- I think the word "fascinating" has become my new go-to word.  It works for almost every situation.  Day two was a struggle but it was a success!

• Day three:  The day was going pretty good until I realized I was scheduled to go to a meeting within the next half hour.  I also had planned to take along some printed documents of the research I had been conducting.  So I hopped on the computer - no problem.  Then I proceeded to print - no - make that attempted to print!  (*^%!!)  Why is it every time I want to print something, there is no paper in the printer?  So I added some paper and attempted again.  (%&*^ ())  Why is it every time I want to print there is no ink????  So you guessed it-- I cracked!  Back to day one!  Turns out that special someone is a print everything monster!!!!! And that's really not very "fascinating"!  Day three - failure!

• Day four, five, six and seven:  I won't bore ya.  It was fail upon fail!  Burnt cookies, a bad hair day, a bad episode with a scissors, lost keys, etc. were just a few of the culprits which kept me from being complain free.  My colorful language embarrassed me and my loss of self-composure cost me.  You guessed it - here I was back at day one!

So here I am,  ten days into the challenge and I'm still on day one.  "Slug Bug" has become a common event, and as a matter of fact, this bracelet is becoming a pain in the butt!  (Oh no - back to day one!)  Isn't that fascinating??!

No Complaints Here

As I was watching the Today show this morning, Sheinelle Jones asked Carson, Al, Savannah, and all their viewers to join in the "Complaint Free Challenge".  Evidently some dude named Will Bowen started this worldwide challenge in an attempt to get people to stop whining.  Apparently, according to Will, complaining is sucking the happiness out of all of us. 

So it turns out Will suggests doing this challenge for 21 days.  I suppose that's because it's been said a new habit can be formed after 21 days of repetition.  However; Shenielle suggested doing it for only seven days - a week - just a week.  It can't be that difficult, can it?


So - I'm game.  Even though, I know it will be hard for me (oops!  Is that a complaint?)  You see many times I find humor- yes humor- in complaining, and you know me, I love to laugh. Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm really not an insensitive person.  However; I have been known to laugh at some inappropriate things.  Not just complaining.  There's also falling, tripping, and bodily noises.  I don't know how many times I've received a spanking for laughing when my brother fell down the steps, or when my brothers and I started a belching contest at the kitchen table, let alone a few other unmentionables.  I found it hilarious, even though I knew that that laughter would more than likely provoke a sting to the buttocks. 


So, back to complaining. I'm sorry.  I can't help it!  It's funny!  Have you heard some of the things people b-t-h about now a days?  My - oh - my!  Here's just a few that come to mind:

• I'm so tired.  (So is the entire world population!  How late did you stay up last night?  Late night TV is way over-rated - except if Cher is on Jimmy Fallon- that's excusable.   Other wise -  get over it!  Go to bed and get some Z's.)
• I'm so hung over.  (Well how the heck did that happen?  Maybe four glasses of that jungle juice was enough, ya think?  Besides - shut up!  I've got a headache!)
• I can't find a job.  (Has anybody told you that you first need to apply?  Come on!  Pull up those droopy drawers and cover up that butt crack! I don't care who you are.  No one wants to hire someone that looks like a walking ATM machine!)
• I'm hungry.  ( Oh!  That one!  How many times have I heard that?  We just ate a half an hour ago!  Get out a skillet and make yourself a grilled cheese--- and ---- STAY OUT OF MY OREOS!)

You know, Psychology Today, says that the average person complains 20 - 30 times a day. Really? I'm thinking they don't know the Stamp family.  I would put our average at more like 50 times a day.  Pathetic, isn't it?   Yeah- I can't help it.  We like to laugh!


OK - so I guess some things have gotta change.  Enough whining!  I can't afford to sacrifice any happiness, so I'm all over this "Complaint Free Challenge.  I don't care if it's funny or not - no more complaining!  So friends- I'm asking.  If you hear me complain in the next seven days (ok, let's face it - it's going to take me 21 days), you have my permission to slug me.  Yep!  Just slug me in the arm.  Now don't get vicious.  Just a gentle little slug.  You know- kinda like the slugs we gave each other in the 60s and 70s when we saw a volkswagon.  Remember?  Slug bug!  Yep!  You've got it! 


And remember ----- if by chance I happen to slug ya back, DON'T COMPLAIN!!!

Sing Like No One is Listening!

I've always loved music.  I'm one of those who believes that music can change the outcome of the day.  For example, ever have a bad day?  Turn on some music!  Feeling a bit blue?  Turn on some music!  No one will listen to you?  Turn on some music and sing - sing at the top of your lungs!  Especially if you've got a voice like mine!  That will make them listen - and - probably not in a good way!  Yes music!  I absolutely love it!  Too bad it doesn't love me back.

 Let me explain.  With all my love for music, you would think music would love me back.  I mean really!  How could someone who loves music to the millionth degree, be denied even one single note of musical talent?  Honestly, I should have been blessed with a voice as smooth as a warm summer breeze, as flowing as a trickle of water drifting down a lazy brook, or heck- I'd even settle for a voice as smooth as a baby's butt, but heck no!  No such luck!  Do you know what a cat sounds like when you step on its tail?  That would be me!  Yep!  Music doesn't love me back!

For as long as I can remember, I have dreamt of being center stage, all eyes on me, belting out a vivacious song that would dig deep into the souls of my audience.  My voice would some what replicate that of a winner on American Idol or The Voice.  Perhaps a revived Stevie Nicks, Carly Simon, or Janis Joplin- any of those.  Yes!  In my dreams, I can rock a stage like no other.

So just the other day, I had my chance.  Out of the blue, I received an invitation to sing at an international conference!  Yes me - the pained cat, had a chance to hit the stage!  Let me further explain.  It all started like this...

 A while back, an organization I belong to, was fishing for volunteers for an international conference that will be held in Iowa later this fall.  With thousands of guests coming from all over the world, they were in desperate need of  assistance.  Their plea sounded urgent.  Would I possibly be able to help?

 So volunteer I did.  After careful consideration of the numerous committees, I selected "music and ENTERTAINMENT".  I had a reason for this choice, hoping I could possibly be a candidate for ENTERTAINMENT - you know- so I could share a bit of my public speaking. Well, so much for best laid plans!

 So last week, I receive an email thanking for my response and asking me to share my musical experiences!  Imagine that!  The committee consisted of music teachers, choir directors, musical performers, composers, etc.  Heck, for all I know, all these women could have previously been back-up singers for Stevie, Carly, and Janis!!!!  And then there's me - the yelping cat!  Oh brother!

 So, what's a girl to do?  Well, she fesses up - that's what!  So here's my written confession:
          
     Dear Madam Chairwoman;
     Thank you for your gracious invitation to join the "Music and ENTERTAINMENT"
     committee.   What an honor to be asked to join such a musically talented group.
     However; before I accept this invitation, I feel there are some minor details you may
     need to know.  They are as follows:

     #1  I am an ENTERTAINER (or at least try to be)
     #2  I have not sung publicly for over 40 years; however, I must admit
     #3  I can belt out a boisterous, "I'm a Brick House" every night as I prepare supper.

      I apologize for my misconception, as I had no idea that the "Music and
     ENTERTAINMENT" committee would include "music".  Silly me!

      On the other hand, I do possess some rather bizarre musical talents which you
     might possibly be able to use. They are as follows:

     #1  I am a superb lip-syncer
     #2  I play a mean air guitar, (think Joan Jett- our styles are very similar) and last
           but not least
     #3  I still have my high school baton and I still remember my routine.

      If you could use any of these services, I'm your gal!
      Sincerely,
      Diane Stamp

 Well, it wasn't long and my anxiously awaited reply arrived.  It read as follows:

      Dear Diane,
     Thank you for your insightful response.  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  Pleasantries,
     pleasantries, pleasantries.  We are in need of a  highly musically inclined
     page turner and we have reserved that dignified position for you....
     Respectfully yours,
     Madam Chairwoman

Hmmm ---  page turner ---- I wonder if that's how Carly got her start? 
Oh well --- I love music and I will continue to sing!  Even if no one is listening!